Supporting someone emotionally is a way of reassuring them. Sometimes, people need an affirmation like that, for their mental well-being or to continue on a forward path.
- In a relationship each person should support the other; they should lift each other up. [attributed to Taylor Swift]
- ‘Tis not enough to help the feeble up, but to support them after. [William Shakespeare]
- We’ve always had each other’s backs in and out of competition. We support each other the most because we’re the only ones that know what it’s like to go through what we do, and so we can’t be more thankful for each other. We’re like sisters. [attributed to Simone Biles]
When someone cares enough to support us in our endeavors or in our circumstances, that too conveys a positive message that can help create or reinforce self-esteem.
“Research . . . has identified four types of emotional and social support:”
“Appraisal Support: Communication of key information and feedback crucial for self-evaluation.” “. . . greater total appraisal support from natural mentoring relationships predicted decreases in stu-dents’ psychological distress via increases in self-worth . . .”
“Emotional Support: Providing and receiving care, love, trust, and empathy as well as respect and admiration. We can see the connection to Attachment Theory—that people are the happiest and most effective when they have one or more trusted persons they can confide in.” “Firstly, researchers’ consensus that emotional support entails the expression of positive emotions such as concern, empathy, understanding, respect, trust, and encouragement towards others. Secondly, emotional support significantly enhances individuals’ mental and physical health, and fosters students’ learning engagement and academic achievement. Thirdly, the effectiveness of emotional support is influenced by the relationships between the supporter and the supported, as well as the broader supportive environment.” “. . . social and emotional support from others can be protective for health.” “Receiving emotional support can improve one’s emotional well-being, but findings have been mixed regarding whether providing emotional support to friends and family can also improve the provider’s emotional well-being.” “. . . there were significant positive relationships between emotional support (family, teacher, friends, and network) and emotional intelligence.”
“Instrumental Support: Providing and receiving tangible goods and services, such as money, groceries, completing work that was assigned to someone else, allowing the use of one’s car, and so on.” “. . . three defining attributes of instrumental support (have been identified): informal support providers, tangible support, and unmet personal needs.” Meriting attention is “the importance of giving instrumental support in a way that communicates care and esteem.”
“Informational Support: Providing and receiving information or advice in a time of need, especially in problem-solving situations. This may often be from professionals. But let’s not forget this kind of support provided by friends and family.” “. . . the more emotional support members were exposed to, the lower the risk of dropout. In contrast, informational support did not have the same strong effects on commitment. We speculate that emotional support enhanced members‟ relationships with one another or the group as a whole, whereas informational support satisfied members‟ short term information needs.”
Real
True Narratives
The warmth and protectiveness of the hand are most homefelt to me who have always looked to it for aid and joy. I understand perfectly how the Psalmist can lift up his voice with strength and gladness, singing, "I put my trust in the Lord at all times, and his hand shall uphold me, and I shall dwell in safety." In the strength of the human hand, too, there is something divine. I am told that the glance of a beloved eye thrills one from a distance; but there is no distance in the touch of a beloved hand. [Helen Keller, The World I Live In (1907), chapter II, “The Hands of Others.”]
The most accomplished and talented people need support.
- Joan Reardon, ed., As Always, Julia: The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto: Food, Friendship, and the Making of a Masterpiece (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2010).
- Amy Bloom, In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss (Random House, 2022): “. . . Amy Bloom writes about loving her husband and helping him to end his life after a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.”
- Edward F. O’Keefe, The Loves of Theodore Roosevelt: The Women Who Created a President (Simon & Schuster, 2024): “. . . Theodore Roosevelt was surrounded by female advisers throughout his life. As Edward F. O’Keefe explains in his new book, “The Loves of Theodore Roosevelt,” the coterie of Teddy-whisperers included his mother (called Mittie), two wives (Alice and Edith), two talented sisters (known as Bamie and Conie) and his daughter Alice.”
And of course, people with disabilities need support. For many years after autism was diagnosed, people assumed that it was incurable. Through determination and devotion, parents and mental health professionals have shown that autism can be treated.
- Catherine Maurice, Let Me Hear Your Voice: A Family’s Triumph Over Autism (Knopf, 1993).
- Leeann Whiffen, A Child’s Journey Out of Autism: One Family’s Story of Living in Hope (Sourcebooks, 2009).
- Jenny McCarthy, Louder than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism (Dutton Adult, 2007).
- Jenny McCarthy, Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds (Dutton Adult, 2005).
- Bryan Jepson, Changing the Course of Autism: A Scientific Approach for Patients and Physicians (Sentient Publications, 2007).
- Jacquelyn McCandless, Children with Starving Brains: A Medical Treatment Guide for Autism Spectrum Disorder (Bramble Books, 2009).
- Ellen Notbohm, Ten Things Every Child with Augism Wishes You Knew (Future Horizons, 2005).
Technical and Analytical Readings
Emotional support:
- Linda Lantieri, Building Emotional Intelligence: Techniques to Cultivate Inner Strength in Children (Sounds True, 2008).
- Linda L. Simmons, Becoming Your Own Emotional Support System: Creating a Community of One (Harrington Park Press, 2007).
- Cath Hunter, 100 Strategies to Support Children’s Behaviour and Emotional Wellbeing: A Practical Toolkit for the School Year (Routledge, 2024).
- Rachel Thynne, Understanding Anxiety at School: From Personal Experience to Practical Pupil Support (Routledge, 2024).
- Tamsin Grimmer, Supporting Behaviour and Emotions in the Early Years: Strategies and Ideas for Early Years Educators (Routledge, 2022).
Behavioral support:
- Wayne Sailor, et. al., eds., Handbook of Positive Behavior Support (Routledge, 2009).
- Ennio Cipani and Keven Schock, Functional Behavioral Assessment, Diagnosis and Treatment: A Complete System for Education and Mental Health Settings (Springer, 3rd edition, 2018).
- Melissa Stormont, Timothy J. Lewis, Rebecca Sue Beckner and Nanci W. Johnson, eds., Implementing Positive Behavior Support Systems in Early Childhood and Elementary Settings (Corwin Press, 2007).
- Deanne A. Crone and Robert H. Horner, Building Positive Behavior Support Systems in Schools: Functional Behavioral Assessment (The Guilford Press, 2nd edition, 2015).
- Edward G. Carr, Robert H. Horner, Ann P. Turnbull, et. al., Positive Behavior Support for People With Developmental Disabilities: A Research Synthesis (American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities, 1999).
- Lynn Kern Koegel, Robert L. Koegel and Glen Dunlap, Positive Behavioral Support: Including People With Difficult Behavior in the Community (Brookes Publishing Company, 1996).
- James K. Luiselli, ed., Teaching and Behavior Support for Children and Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Practitioner's Guide (Oxford University Press, 2011).
- James K. Luiselli, et. al., eds., Effective Practices for Children with Autism: Educational and Behavior Support Interventions that Work (Oxford University Press, 2008).
- Jessica Minahan, The Behavior Code Companion: Strategies, Tools, and Interventions for Supporting Students with Anxiety-Related or Oppositional Behaviors (Harvard Education Press, 2014).
- Simon French, John Maule & Nadia Papamichail, Decision Behaviour, Analysis and Support (Cambridge University Press, 2009).
- Marla J. Lohmann, Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports for Preschool and Kindergarten (Redleaf Press, 2021).
- Keith C. Radley & Evan H. Dart, eds., Handbook of Behavioral Interventions in Schools: Multi-Tiered Systems of Support (Oxford University Press, 2019).
- Val Gillies, Pushed to the Edge: Inclusion and Behaviour Support in Schools (Policy Press, 2016).
Photographs
Documentary and Educational Films
- Planet of Snail: a blind and deaf man and his wife, a woman with a spinal deformity that has impeded her growth, make their way in life together; it is “a movie about the way two people can smooth over each other’s cracks to achieve an imperfect yet sturdy wholeness”
- Paris Is Burning, about members of the gay community supporting each otherthrough quasi-ritual acting out of their dreams
Imaginary
Fictional Narratives
Novels:
- Catherine Newman, We All Want Impossible Things: A Novel (Harper, 2022): “Ashley and Edith (Ash and Edi) have been best friends since they were kids growing up five blocks apart in Manhattan. Now, Edi has ovarian cancer and, after three years of grueling treatments, the hospital social worker delivers the 'make the most of her remaining days talk — while simultaneously clarifying that this most-making would need to happen not there.'”
- Leila Mottley, The Girls Who Grew Big: A Novel (Knopf, 2025): “. . . a group of young outcast mothers band together to support one another.”
Poetry
It’s good to feel you are close to me in the night, love,
invisible in your sleep, intently nocturnal,
while I untangle my worries
as if they were twisted nets.
Withdrawn, your heart sails through dream,
but your body, relinquished so, breathes
seeking me without seeing me perfecting my dream
like a plant that seeds itself in the dark.
Rising, you will be that other, alive in the dawn,
but from the frontiers lost in the night,
from the presence and the absence where we meet ourselves,
something remains, drawing us into the light of life
as if the sign of the shadows had sealed
its secret creatures with flame.
[Pablo Neruda, “It’s Good to Feel You Are Close to Me”]
Other poems:
Music: Composers, artists, and major works
“Antonín Rejcha, later Antoine or Anton Reicha (1770-1836) came from a hard childhood. His father, Simon, the town piper of Prague, died when he was 10 months old and at age 11, he ran away from his mother who couldn’t care for him properly, and took refuge with his grandfather. Eventually, he lived with his uncle Josef, a cellist at the court of Oettingen-Wallerstein.” He is best known for his unforgettable wind quintets. With their warm rich tones and cozy harmonies, and the distinctive voices of clarinet, flute, oboe, horn and bassoon, these quintets evoke diverse individuals supporting each other.
- Wind Quintet No. 1 in E minor, Op. 88/1 (1811) (approx. 18’)
- Wind Quintet No. 2 in E-flat major, Op. 88/2 (1811) (approx. 24-25’)
- Wind Quintet No. 3 in G major, Op. 88/3 (1817) (approx. 21-22’)
- Wind Quintet No. 4 in D minor, Op. 88/4 (1817) (approx. 27’)
- Wind Quintet No. 5 in B major, Op. 88/5 (1817) (approx. 34’)
- Wind Quintet No. 6 in F major, Op. 88/6 (1817) (approx. 33’)
- Wind Quintet No. 7 in C major, Op. 91/1 (1819) (approx. 30’)
- Wind Quintet No. 8 in A minor, Op. 91/2 (1819) (approx. 39’)
- Wind Quintet No. 9 in D major, Op. 91/3 (1819) (approx. 20-21’)
- Wind Quintet No. 10 in G minor, Op. 91/4 (1819) (approx. 30’)
- Wind Quintet No. 11 in A major, Op. 91/5 (1819) (approx. 28’)
- Wind Quintet No. 12 in C minor, Op. 91/6 (1819) (approx. 29’)
- Wind Quintet No. 13 in C major, Op. 99/1 (1819) (approx. 26’)
- Wind Quintet No. 14 in F minor, Op. 99/2 (1822) (approx. 27’)
- Wind Quintet No. 15 in F major, Op. 99/3 (1819) (approx. 20’)
- Wind Quintet No. 16 in D major, Op. 99/4 (approx. 29’)
- Wind Quintet No. 17 in B minor, Op. 99/5 (1822) (approx. 29’)
- Wind Quintet No. 18 in G major, Op. 99/6 (1819?) (approx. 38’)
- Wind Quintet No. 19 in F major, Op. 100/1 (1824) (approx. 28’)
- Wind Quintet No. 20 in D minor, Op. 100/2 (1824) (approx. 29’)
- Wind Quintet No. 21 in E flat major, Op. 100/3 (1824) (approx. 27’)
- Wind Quintet No. 22 in E minor, Op. 100/4 (1824) (approx. 28’)
- Wind Quintet No. 23 in A minor, Op. 100/5 (1824) (approx. 24’)
- Wind Quintet No. 24 in B major, Op. 100/6 (1824) (approx. 36’)
- Wind Quintet No. 25 in F minor, ohne Opuszahl (approx. 22’)
Ludwig van Beethoven’s works for wind ensemble may not equal those of his contemporary in quality or richness, Reicha, but they express the same theme:
- Wind Quintet in E major for three horns, oboe & bassoon, Hess 19 (fragment) (1793) (approx. 17’)
- Wind Sextet in E-flat major for 2 clarinets, 2 bassoons and 2 horns, Op. 71 (1796) (approx. 18’)
- Wind Octet in E-flat major for 2 oboes, 2 clarinets, 2 bassoons and 2 horns, Op. 103 (1793) (approx 20-21’)
The violin sonata (violin and piano) can speak to any of several human values. In Franz Schubert’s tender and sensitive hands, it evokes a warm, supporting relationship. He composed four violin sonatas (sonatinas), Op. 137, in 1816-1817, and a fourth, later listed as Op. 162.
- No. 1 in D major, D. 384 (1816) (approx. 14-16’)
- No. 2 in A minor, D. 385 (1816) (approx. 22-25’)
- No. 3 in G minor, D. 408 (1816) (approx. 13-23’)
- Duo in A major, D. 574 (1817) (approx. 24-27’)
Johann Sebastian Bach, 6 Sonatas for Violin & Harpsichord, BWV 1014-1019 (1717) (approx. 66-84’): excellent recordings of the entire set are by Suk & Růžičková in 1987, Manze & Egarr in 2000, Podger & Pinnock in 2001, Ngai & Watchorn in 2002, Mullova & Dantone in 2007, and Faust & Bezuidenhout in 2018. Makarski & Jarrett recorded an excellent set with piano in 2013.
Arthur Foote’s works for violin and piano:
- 3 Character pieces for violin & piano, Op. 9 (1886) (approx. 15’) “are in song form presented in a lyrical style reminiscent of the style but not tonality of Brahms.”
- Violin Sonata in G Minor, Op. 20 (1889) (approx. 26’) was “dedicated to Franz Kneisel, the concertmaster of the Boston Symphony Orchestra . . .”
- Miscellaneous short pieces
As you read the descriptions of these other compositions, consider how each composer’s background may have shaped the composition:
- John Hebden, Six Concertos for Strings, Op. 2 (1745) (approx. 56’): these concerti from the late Baroque – early Classical period invite performances with warm, rich tones. Hebden “was orphaned when young but was fortunate enough to receive an excellent education, including musical tuition. (He and his wife) had a child . . . but (she) died while John was still young.”
- Norbert Burgmüller, String Quartet No. 4 in A Minor, Op. 14 (1835) (approx. 34’): the composer “was born in the German city of Düsseldorf where his father was the city music director. . . Plagued by illness and personal problems, he led a retiring life as a violin and piano teacher.”
- Ernano Wolf-Ferrari, Piano Trio No. 1 in D Major, Op. 5 (ca. 1898) (approx. 38’); Piano Trio No. 2 in F-sharp Major, Op. 7 (1900) (approx. 28’), may reflect the composer’s family background. He “was born in Venice, the son of a German father and an Italian mother. Throughout his life, he felt torn between the two cultures, uniting in himself the deep-felt German seriousness of purpose with sunny, Italian bel canto melody.” “The Op. 5 Trio reveals the 20-year-old composer as a confident craftsperson . . . The Op. 7 F-sharp minor Trio journeys into more ambitious terrain . . .”
- Lou Harrison, First Concerto for Flute and Percussion (1989) (approx. 8-9’), and Ariadne (1997) (approx. 6’)
- Param Vir, Raga Fields (2014) (approx. 27’): “. . . the solo instrument is surrounded by the orchestral accompaniment in a manner that progressively grows and shifts on every level: timbral, textural, rhythmic, harmonic.”
- Leopoldo Miguez, Violin Sonata in A Major, Op. 14 (1885) (approx. 26’): “The lyrical character of Miguez’s ambitious Violin Sonata, Op. 14 is developed in a far more sophisticated and contrapuntal manner to anything previously experienced in Brazil . . .”
In these compositions, the music makes the point, usually through instrumental interplay. That is also true of the music in the previous section.
- Charles Koechlin, Sonata for flute and piano, Op. 52 (1913) (approx. 13-14’): “His designation ‘Sonata for piano and flute’ acknowledges the substantial role of the piano . . .”
- John Ireland’s two violin sonatas, No. 1 in D Minor (1909) (approx. 30’), and No. 2 in A Minor (1917) (approx. 28’): the piano bucks up the cello, gently, in its sadness.
- In Ireland’s Cello Sonata in G Minor (1924) (approx. 21’), the essence is the same as in the violin sonatas, except that the cello’s voice expresses a particular kind of sadness, which is characteristic of the instrument: loneliness.
- Paul Hindemith, Quintet for clarinet and string quartet, Op. 30 (1923, rev. 1954) (approx. 20-22’): intermittently playful and serious, this work features the clarinet, with the strings taking over occasionally, a musical expression of one pathway of support.
Albums:
- Shirley Scott, “One for Me” (1974) (42’): “The success of the album lies in the relaxed original compositions by Scott and tenor saxophonist Harold Vick, and in their interplay with each other and with drummer Billy Higgins.”
- Philippe Grisvard and Johannes Pramsohler, “A Cembalo certato e Violino Solo” (2022) (209’), includes Bach’s BWV 1014-1019 and other of Bach’s works for harpsichord and violin.
- Christian McBride & Edgar Meyer, “But Who’s Gonna Play the Melody?” (2024) (66’): “The album explores the vast variety possible with the pairing of two limitless bassists, encompassing diverse original compositions, American Songbook standards, and familiar classics by jazz and bluegrass masters.”
From the dark side:
§ Brett Dean, String Quartet No. 2, "And once I played Ophelia", for soprano and string quartet (2014) (approx. 20-23’): “. . . perhaps Ophelia drowns not from a romantically-fed whim or madness, but simply because of the pure weight of the words others say about her caught irrevocably in her pockets.” [Brett Dean]
Music: songs and other short pieces
- Paul Simon, “Gone at Last” (lyrics)
- Carole King, “You’ve Got a Friend” (lyrics)
- James Taylor, “You’ve Got a Friend”
- Bill Withers, “Lean On Me” (lyrics)
- Franz Schubert (composer), “Lied aus der Ferne” (Song from Afar), D. 107 (1814) (lyrics)
Visual Arts
- Edwin Landseer, Attachment (1829)
Film and Stage
- Bang the Drum Slowly, about supportinga dying teammate – see the novel by the same title
- Pelle the Conqueror, in whichthe title character is “a camera, receiving the images of a childhood that will eventually shape the course of his life”
- Hunt for the Wilderpeople: a thirteen-year-old boy who has been in trouble and rejected by everyone, happens upon exceptional foster parents, and becomes exceptional himself, in popular film fashion.
From the shadow side:
- Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?: about a psychologically dysfunctional marriagein which each party seems intent on destroying the other